this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
