If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
