The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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