ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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