We got so high we made milksteak
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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