i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
