Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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