They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
