my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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