the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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