Can Purell be used as lube?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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