I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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