i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
