so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had to coat check the pizza.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
