the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
