I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
