So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
