so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
