Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
