Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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