dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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