6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
