So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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