So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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