better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
