my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
