I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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