I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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