Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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