if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
