I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
