i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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