So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
