I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
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there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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