I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
