I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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