the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
