When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
