Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
