Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i now understand why vodka
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
