Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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