I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
