anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
