totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
