His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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