Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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