I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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