dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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