is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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