he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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