At least make sure they are 18
Why
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
