Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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