Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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