I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
