it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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