don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
