can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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