Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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