I met the friendliest cop last night
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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