I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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