Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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