Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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