You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
