we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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