I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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