New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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