1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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