I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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