it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
