I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So many bounce houses so little time
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
