i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
