i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
