So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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