how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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