So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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