Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
