i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
