Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How does one acquire holy water?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
