Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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