you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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