Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
