is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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