Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
